I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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