I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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