So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize