i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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