guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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