Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
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Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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