I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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