Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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