You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize