dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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