You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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