You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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