So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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