you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize