I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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