Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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