Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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