Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize