my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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