i wish my penis had a tongue
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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