We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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