Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
