Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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