Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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