I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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