I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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