Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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