I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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