There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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