I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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