david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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