I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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