he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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