i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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