literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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