The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize