my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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