one two three fourrrrnication!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize