all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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