why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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