he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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