i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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