So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize