i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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