i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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