Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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