the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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