its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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