Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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