I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize