I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You don't make any sense
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